My partner of over a decade, who happens to possess an impressive 8-inch asset, usually prefers to be the top or versatile partner. Meanwhile, I’m quite versatile myself. Despite his frequent mentions of wanting to bottom, I find it difficult to help him take that step.
I’ve shared my techniques, toys, and preparation methods, tried rimming and fingering, and even offered poppers to set the mood. However, he seems to have a genuine fear that I can’t quite break through. It’s clear he enjoys being dominated, and his interest seems sincere.
Though I’m not endowed with a monster size, at a thick 6.5 inches, I’m certainly no small feat. I’ve suggested he might first try a smaller partner to ease into the experience, since we’re in an open relationship. This could potentially lead to a positive experience that encourages him to try with me later. I’ve considered stopping my efforts due to his reluctance, yet he keeps expressing his desire to try. I genuinely want him to enjoy the pleasure of an anal orgasm-something I believe is a right for us. Does anyone have advice on how to help him loosen up after all these years? It feels like there’s a barrier we can’t cross.
Establishing True Intentions
First, It’s crucial to confirm whether his desire to bottom is genuine. It’s possible he mentions it to align with my eagerness for topping, hoping to convince himself over time. During our next conversation about this, I plan to gently probe by saying, “You’ve shown an interest in bottoming for some time now, yet seem uncertain. I really want to know if this is something you truly desire, and not just an attempt to please me. I don’t want you feeling pressured to do this just for my happiness.”
Assuming he confirms his interest, I’ll ask, “What are your main concerns holding you back?”
Understanding the Concerns
The hesitation could stem from one or more of these: fear of pain, fear of a messy situation, or fear of intimacy. For many, bottoming is an intense experience, especially initially. It can leave one feeling exposed and vulnerable. Early experiences can create a strong emotional connection, even if based on brief encounters, which can be confusing.
Additionally, Stereotypes about bottoming being “feminine” or “emasculating” may also influence his reluctance. While these ideas are unfounded, they can still affect perception. I’ve seen some of the most masculine men embrace bottoming without any diminishment of their masculinity.
Solutions to Common Fears
Fortunately, solutions exist for these concerns. In addition to supporting him, I can offer practical advice. I’ve already shared my techniques with toys and initiated with rimming and fingering, but there’s more we can explore.
I highly recommend he reads “Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything in Between” by Dr. Evan Goldstein. This comprehensive book covers everything about anal health and pleasure, addressing questions about preparation, dilation, and aftercare that aren’t easily found elsewhere.
Reading this book will empower him with knowledge beyond what I can offer, boosting his confidence to try bottoming. However, while it addresses pain and hygiene concerns, emotional support is where I come in.
Creating a Safe Space
I need to provide a nurturing environment where he feels safe and supported. I’ll reassure him by saying, “Honey, I love you deeply. We can take things slowly, using plenty of lube. I’ll warm you up gently, and if you wish to stop at any point, I will. I’m here for you and won’t see you any differently if you bottom. It won’t change our relationship; I’m just excited to explore this with you.”
Feeling supported and informed, he may feel more inclined to try bottoming. If not, I’ll kindly ask him to refrain from bringing it up until he’s ready, as the mixed signals can be frustrating. I’ll suggest, “It seems you’re not ready to try bottoming, which is okay. Let’s pause the discussion for now, and we can revisit it if your feelings change.”